The holidays are a special time for families to gather together, remember their past, and make new memories for the future.

While planning a gathering can feel like a challenge for any host, creating a welcoming environment for a loved one experiencing dementia can present unique challenges. However, with proper planning and preparation, you can create a special event for the whole family.

Planning for Success

• When planning your event, speak with family members and identify a small group of one to three individuals who will share the responsibility of assisting your loved one during the event. When discussing plans, be sure everyone is comfortable with the correct steps for assisting with getting into or out of chairs, moving throughout the home, and knows where the individual’s personal items are stored.
• Family members assisting your loved one should be ready to help make introductions and smooth out confusion, particularly if your loved one is struggling to remember the names of other family members.
• Get a sense of when your loved one with dementia is most alert and lucid, and try to plan the event to take place during this time of day.
• If your family leans towards longer gatherings, consider having your loved one present for a shorter time.
• Pick a room near the main gathering as a “quiet room” your loved one can use to rest and decompress if they become agitated or overstimulated.
• If your loved one has issues with continence, be sure to have a supply of their continence aids readily available and at least one family member is comfortable assisting with toileting as needed.
• Designate one or two family members who will assist with transportation and are able to safely assist your loved one in attending the event and returning home.
• If your loved one already receives assistance from a caregiver, consider inviting them to the event. Even though they are still “on the clock,” be sure to make the event welcoming for them as well – make them feel like part of the family!
• If you are unsure you can provide a safe, comfortable environment for your loved one, consider bringing the celebration to them. Pack premade food and disposable utensils (to avoid leaving a mess), and plan to visit them in their home at the time of day when they are most alert.

Create a Safe Home Environment

• Carefully review your home for fall hazards like cluttered spaces, items on the floor, unmanaged cables/cords, or unsecured area rugs. If you have pets in the home, consider isolating them away from the main gathering so they do not present a fall hazard.
• Avoid candles and other open flames, as well as holiday decorations that may be confused for food.
• Make stable, comfortable chairs available in both your loved one’s “quiet room” and in the main gathering space. These chairs should be at a comfortable height for your loved one, stable, and have armrests that can be used to aid in sitting or rising.
• Consider how alcohol and/or caffeine affect your loved one and consider restricting access or leaving them off the menu entirely.
• When planning food, make sure your menu includes foods that can easily be chewed and swallowed. If your loved one has trouble with heavily-spiced dishes, consider including a more basic dish like rice or noodles they can enjoy.
• Make sure rooms your loved one will have access to are well-lit.
• Avoid playing music too loudly, as this can make conversation more difficult and lead to unneeded frustration.

Inclusive Holiday Activities

• Try to plan activities that play to your loved one’s strengths and abilities, rather than highlighting deficiencies. These can include playing old family movies, looking at family photo albums, or activities like simple puzzles or coloring books to allow younger generations to interact with your loved one.
• Printing out the words to a song for a family sing-along can create a festive, inclusive activity.
• Encourage other family members to bring items like photo albums or family cookbooks they can share and enjoy reviewing together.
• If your family plays board games or other more complicated activities, have a family member assist your loved one and play together as a team.
• If your family makes calls to relatives who are not in attendance, consider putting the call on speaker mode so your loved one can participate when they feel comfortable.
• If your family sends out holiday cards, help your loved one write a single note that can be copied and including in all mailings.
• If your loved one traditionally helps with food preparation, think of easier tasks they can take on to remain involved.

Prepare Your Family for Changes

• Have an open, honest conversation with other family members about the wellbeing of your loved one prior to the event. This will allow them to prepare themselves for how best to interact and avoid surprising anyone on the day of the event.
• If your family members have limited exposure to individuals with dementia, consider providing the following advice:
• Approach gently and calmly.
• Speak on the person’s level to make eye contact (both sitting and face to face.)
• Reminiscing about past holidays may be a safe topic, but be aware of the person’s reception of the topic and move to a different subject if the person shows a level of agitation.
• Don’t patronize or infantize your conversations with the person.
• A loved one with dementia may ask about a family member who is not present because they have passed away. Be sensitive about these conversations and have a plan for how to handle these topics.  Sometimes coming up with another reason for a person’s absence may be the best way to avoid causing your loved one pain.
• Consider how your loved one feels about physical contact and prepare family members for these preferences.
• Avoid starting conversations with “Do you remember…?” Instead, try to say “I remember when…” so your loved one can participate if they feel comfortable.
• Be mindful of your loved one’s overall mood. If a conversation appears to be upsetting them, be prepared to move on to a new, less upsetting topic.

Holiday gatherings are an emotional time for many families, but by considering the steps above, you can help ensure your latest family gathering is a happy event for all.

If cognitive changes in a loved one are proving challenging for your family, now might be the time to contact SelectCare and consider how home health care specialists with experience caring for those with dementia may benefit your family this holiday season.

To learn more about home health care services with SelectCare, call us today, request a free in-home care guide, or read firsthand client experiences on our testimonial page.